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There's a dagger hanging over my head, I can feel it. I'm crumpling under the weight. My mom keeps saying that she'll make sure I finish school, but she doesn't understand the situation we are in, despite her help, without Tim working we could end up not being able to pay our rent in a couple months, we're lucky in that we have enough until Feb. Though it may be less time than that. Car payments, Tim's student loans, the credit card we end up having to use to get through a month, it adds up. I can't even afford to go get new pants, and this isn't a "oh I'd like some new clothes" thing it's a "there are huge holes in inappropriate places in two of the four pairs of pants I own". I don't want to put anyone into debt, least of all my mom. I don't want Tim to feel like he has to go back to work when he's still sick, but that's the situation we're in. I can't give up on school now, my mom won't let me, and it would be a slap in the face to her and all the work she's put in fighting for this. I just don't know what's going to happen, I really don't. Not once in the entire time I've been in school has it felt secure, there has always been this knowledge that I might not finish, that it would be a waste of time. There's only one person to blame for it, and we all know who that is. I hope someone does something to make him realize what an utterly dispicable human being he's been, how he only has her side of the family now. Even his own family doesn't talk to him anymore, what does that say?

I'd like to own a house one day, have a wedding, have kids, and really, things aren't looking good in that direction. If Tim ends up not being able to work, well, I don't know what will happen, sure I'll be able to work, but one income isn't enough nowadays. *sigh* We'll have to find out what the future brings, most days I can't even bring myself to think about it, it hurts too much.